I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
