i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
