Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
be right there i have to get my cape
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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