Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
