Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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