he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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