He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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