her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
