I murdered the dance floor call the cops
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
