Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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