he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
