He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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