I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
