I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
