maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
