I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
