Jerry, you need to find god
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
