I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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