Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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