I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
