he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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