Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
