This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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