im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
