Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize