When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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