i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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