That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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