I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
