Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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