I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
