I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
