Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
