He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
