I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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