If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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