Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
