i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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