Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
