I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
