Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Help. Why am I so naked?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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