I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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