just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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