look no pants
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
