its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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