walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
