this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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