What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
