I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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