i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
