When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
