i think my tv is drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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