I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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