You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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