A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
