also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
