It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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