Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
