I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
