You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
