Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
