the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just found a bag of teeth...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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