Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
