then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
