ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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