New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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