we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
