you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
