I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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