God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
