im six kinds of drunk right now
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
