If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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