I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
