feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
