I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
