just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
