took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
