Your mouth is God's brothel.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
